Blogger's Block

Hello friends and followers.

I'm searching for different ideas for my blog.  It's kind of plain.  Matter of fact, in this last week or so, that is main reason I have not blogged.

I'd like to share some feelings for a couple of minutes.  I am battling with the idea that blogging is taking time away from my family.  Whether it be my kids individually, or together, my siblings, my neices and my nephew, my cousins.  Mainly, I have felt in the past that it's taken time away from my wife.  Having kids and a wife is something that I pictured for a while, of ever having them in my life. Remaining single. That is something that I came to the realization, I may not ever get them. I had to be ok with the thought of never having them.  I had to find things about myself that I liked.  Now I have them and I love it.  The funny thing is, no one tells you how tough it can be. :)  But I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Plus, still being fairly new to the parenting, our boy Tate is 2 1/2 years old. Heck, not just parenting, just being married!  This December will be 4 years!  That is crazy to me. But it's something that I cherish.  I don't want my selfishness and bad choices to take away from what my family deserves. 

I've been told in the past, that it's ok to do things for Nick once in a while.  I know this.  When it's someone else that is needing advice, I have been known to lend an ear, or some unwanted truth.  It's real. So, as far as taking time to get a degree in communications or in finance, or blogging as a hobby/therapy, haha, well, it's tough for me.  If I feel like it's consuming me, my natural for me to "protect" my family from me not being right there, the moment they need me, or in any case, just want me.  As I am still adapting to better choices for my health, I know and understand these are choices, consistent or not, that benefit my health, which is what I want.  It's one thing if I'm tragically taken from my wife, kids, siblings, cousins, aunts & uncles, friends, etc... I'm very ok with death.  We learned it at a very young age.  But I am disgusted wtih the fact that by my being overweight, unfit and making bad unhealthy food choices, I am enabling a possible cause of death.  Who is to say that I won't outlive my kids, or my wife.  Things happen even if we don't choose them. We/I have to capitalize on the time that we do have here. Not worry about death.  It happens to everyone. Everyone experiences a loss.  Regardless of who it is, a loss is a loss.  Friend, relative, immediate family or even a co-worker.  There are tragedies, accidents and illness.  Sadly, there are suicides. Death happens.  But you know what? SO DOES LIFE!!! What am/are I/we going to do with it?

Sorry, I got off track some, but I was saying, blogging, has opened my mind back up to old thoughts, back in the day (a Wednesday), for my writing and thoughts of being an inspirational speaker.  Funny becuase I've put all that stuff behind me for quite some time.  Just until recently, opening up into the blog world, it has rekindled the smolder.  Not quite a real big kind of fire. Just a small one. Let's put it this way... I've entertained the idea of being a writer of sorts and/or an inspirational speaker.

As for the blog, I have shared before, I get to thinking.  How much of my life and my family do I want to put on here?  I'd like to have some privacy.  The blog is public and as far as I'm concerned, that was the idea.  It still is. I don't plan on changing that. But as well, I think, my immediate family is just as much a part of this as I am.  It takes commitment from them with supporting me, being honest with me, holding me accountable.  Heck, some of them have stepped in and bought us food, gym memberships, kitchen table and even being willing to accept that I mention them in my blog, that is open to the public.

During this time though, I've definitely gone through some emotions.  I've noticed changes in my clothes and my ring finger when my wedding ring slides around when I dribble a basketball.  I know that with this journey to a healthier lifestyle and fitness success trek, you don't just sort through body changes, hormones or feelings.  I expect it. Some days it's hard.  Very hard.  I've never been a binge/purge type of eater.  Not even when I was drinking back in the day (...Wednesday, remember?), I never binged/purged. 

It will not happen over night. Inspiration comes from everywhere, if you're willing to look for it.  For me, inspiration comes from my wife and kids.  I enjoy them being with me.  I enjoy making them smile and laugh.  I enjoy a good "chick flick" from time to time.  I enjoy a lot of things.  Soon, the series of ABC's Extreme Makeover: Weightloss Edition is going to start again this season, end of the month I think.  I'd love to meet that Chris Powell guy.  He is inspiring. A lot like Coach Ryan (whom I have not heard from in a while).  I wonder what's new with him.

Funny thing, I like the other show ABC did; Extreme Makeover (where they rebuilt houses)... I always thought it would be cool to help them folks out.

But, just to share with you guys the random thoughts that I've had that have distracted me from blogging. I also don't want to be blogging to get attention.  I don't know why, but I love making people laugh and smile and say to themself, "What the heck did that guy just say?!!?" So, it's weird to hear myself say that I don't like attention.  But in this case, I just don't know if I know how to deal with attention that is not from me making jokes.  Instead, it's attention from my blog. From me trying to gain knowledge and impliment changes for fitness success.  Attention that is based off of my health.  I've been unhealthy for a long time and it's always just been something I've lived with. 

I'm not profreading this one.  Just going to post it, before I start rambling again. 
Happy Mother's Day to my wife Katie. I'd pick you all over again! You're my princess. I love you dearly. Thank you for my family.